Thursday, April 5, 2012

Happy Valentine's day


"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
John 15:13, KJV
Some may argue that those who take their own life in suicide is also considered laying down their lives. These people are utterly wrong because they mistake action with motive. Self-sacrifice and suicide may appear the same in action, but are wholly antagonistic in motive. Suicide is always out of hatred, and sacrifice is of love.

But in our lives we do sacrifice many things in the name of love. Sacrifices are not new to us. Yet, often, we sacrifice to get something in return; the best of two; opportunity cost. In the end, our love is always selfish in nature; in the end, we love nothing--and no one--but ourselves. What a sad reality we live in.

I would argue fervently that all is not lost: the love of parent to child should prove me wrong, right? Wouldn't every parent endure hunger that their children be fed, the heat of the day to afford cool sleep for their children, bed of nails for them for their children's bed of roses? My father once said he'd not think twice to lose his arm and leg if that's what it takes for his children to make it in this world. My mother also said that she can have everything desirable in this world, yet still have nothing if her children--her own heart--is not present with her. I am blessed with such life and such love. I should have no reason to complain, shouldn't I?

Well no, I'm not complaining, definitely not about myself. But I'm old enough to open my eyes to the world around me to see, and be heartbroken by, those who--in God's great mercy and divine wisdom--share not the same blessing. I know that God wants me to be ever more grateful by what I have, and also to learn to understand the reality of this fallen world and pray for it. But for them, oh the sadness, that their experience with what is supposed to be the most majestic and glorious kind of love bestowed on this earth is far from what anyone would ask. For them, that love estranged them, that love pushes them to the dirt, and hurt them in ways no other love can ever do. Oh parents, if you have hurt your children today, I beg you, reconcile yourself to God, and reconcile us to you, because if you don't, then for us, what is left of love? what is real of love? and what hope is left for us of love?

Praise be to God! For such love has came to the world, to show us not only the way, but also to itself. Love beyond measure, freely--and willingly--available.

Such love, that the Father Himself would seek a way to reconciliation.
Such love, that the Father would do it with the costliest option, for it is the only one possible.
Such love, that the Son Himself wills to die for His friends, so that they may live.
Such love, for the Son died not to those worthy of receiving such sacrifice, but those who were yet still enemies, vile and despicable in every ways possible.
Such love, that He believes His sacrifice can change all that; that He can turn hearts of stone to hearts of flesh; that beat, live, and love.

Oh world, oh parents, children, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, lovers, friends. If the greatest of all human love in this world fails you, despair not, for God's love is real; His heart burns with love towards you. The Father did not spare His own Son for us all, what reason do you have to doubt His love?

"Happy Valentine's day,

Sincerely, God."

Friday, March 18, 2011

On Songs (and all the pleasures of the soul, generally), Part I

*listening to Bach's BWV 4* Ah, Baroque music. Where do I begin. I suppose I can start with how I met her (or him, whatever suits your fancy), but I shouldn't. It was not spectacular to begin with. Not that it has to be; I'm simply --implicitly and admittedly-- saying that I suppose I was not exactly head over heels for her when we first met. But that was long ago. Now, we have an affair, of which it's end is nowhere in sight, and I'm very untroubled about this fact, to say the least. Ah but that's enough about me. Let's get to the point, shall we?

I am writing this partly because I love music --especially Baroque-- so much, and partly because I don't quite understand why those who sing it don't seem to show the same feelings that I do. True, in my case, it doesn't take a qualified psychoanalyst to see my shameless infatuation with it, because it's.. shameless, one would suppose, and yet it can take even the most skillful soul-reader (if there's such a thing) perhaps a full year to really grasp the depth of our relationship so far, which is growing every day. However, most unfortunately, if none of this makes any sense to the group I mention before, then it doesn't come to me as a surprise -- if you could only see what I see and hear what I hear, you'll understand.

You see, my beloved choir team --yes, with them I really do-- have always been singing Baroque for many a good reasons: Firstly, because it *is* beautiful, secondly because the whole world agrees with the first reason and hence the resources of which is abundant, to say the least, and thirdly, because our choir leader/conductor/song chooser not only agrees with the whole world too, but also faithfully undertook all of the work of looking and preparing and providing us with all of the needed materials for us to sing it. I can go on with the fourth and fifth reason etc., but I'll stop here.

Regardless of all the above, however, I can't help feeling that every time we sing the songs and rehearse it, there's just something amiss, and it's not like I'm the only one who notices it, no; everyone do, and yet no one could do anything about it. It finally ticked me off I suppose --hence this writing--, because I felt that we are really powerless against it; that this void is always there, and it simply refuses to leave, no matter how badly we want it to.

Or perhaps.. perhaps we haven't really done anything. I don't know. I don't want to think so, after all the years we spent together -- 'we' as in me, them, and all those glorious Baroque pieces. But still I can't deny that the void remains unmoved, and it annoys me so much I can't stand it anymore. I think it's about time we really do something about it. And the best way to start, I think, is from within.

Now this 'from within' talk may sound a bit Zen to you. But it's really not. I can assure you, even though I know nothing of 'Zen' save from that phrase I just used, its origin is most definitely and unqualifiedly more ancient than Zen or anything else you can come up with, because this 'from within' is really a principle that points to the beginning of everything; of life, of man, of creation.

You see, man, from the beginning, was created with this eternal force that resides within. It's a force beyond matter and all physical reality, though it may be worthwhile to talk about it using examples from our --physical, material--cosmos. Entertain me a while: think of the highest mountain, the deepest sea, the coldest ice caverns, and the hottest, boiling liquid lake of fire in the belly of the angriest volcano. Are you there? well, brace yourself for this: this force within man, can take his aspirations higher, curiosity deeper, pained heart colder, and anger ablaze far fiercer than any mountain, sea, caverns, or volcanoes can. It's a force unrivaled by anything the heavens or the earth can conjure to assail upon it.

Yet, for such weak, defenseless, tiny construct of flesh and blood to possess it and contain it.. how does it come to be? Where did it come from? How did it come in, and what made it stay? What's its purpose and end? Or better yet: Who is behind all this? Ah, such fine question, this last one is.

I suppose it's not completely illogical to point to the Creator for --or 'as'-- an answer. In fact, I wish I can convince you that without consulting, or even regarding, Him in the slightest for a start, it is not hard to see that this whole endeavour for explanations will lead to confusion at best, and discouraged giving ups and falling aways at worst. Do allow me to continue and you may find that in the end, it's not just fancy nonsenses that I am spouting, but Truth; eternal, unchanging, enlightening, joy-filled sweet revelation.

The force within man, if I may call it 'the spark of life' in his soul, is truly a fascinating, yet mysterious thing. You can even say that it is --in so many ways-- far more significant than life itself, for a life wherein this force is absent is hardly one worth living for. And conversely, on the other hand, a life that is filled with the sparks of this force, is so much life that no matter how short and temporal it is, it is life 'to the full' nonetheless, and there's scarcely anything that can compare to it under the sun. Ah but yes, this all is really taken for granted, and does little to satisfy the questions above. Very well, let me continue.

I believe that the Creator of man is really a creator of such passions and desires too -- hence the force in us, His 'crown' of creation. I think it is ludicrous to think that we, creations, would have anything --which include passions and desires-- more, in measure, compared to Him, the Creator. However, conversely, I suppose what many also fail to see is that: our rejection in attributing --in the slightest even-- to Him as a Creator, the experiencing --or even relating with in any measure-- such forces and drive and desires that we have as creatures, does not necessarily help us to render Him more glorious, or is an outright blasphemy too, no. Quite the contrary, actually, even without coming to Him directly for answers, we can already see --if we are careful and honest enough-- how slightly off-place the whole argument was. This is my point: if we admit that such force that we witness in our affection, emotion, passions and desires, is a testament to life, then how can we call Him Life --'source' of Life, even-- and at the same time deny Him all the the signs and presentations of it as we hide ourself behind the panaceaic chant 'He, Holy He, is He and we, lowly we, are we'? Let me sum up to help you think clearer about this for a while: if we believe we live, and we believe passions and desires are inherent to life, then how can we say that our Creator who also lives --nay, created our life even-- must not have the same passions and desires?

I know, I know, I'm starting to go too far into realms I have neither rights nor qualifications to talk about, and yes I must add that there are 'attributes' of our life --our existence-- that is not shared with Him, the Creator. I readily agree to this. But on the other hand, I see that more often than not, the problem is that far too many of us would hastily, and wrongly, place many things under the 'incommunicable' or 'unshared' list of attributes to Him. And more often than not, unfortunately, passions and desires are quite a popular 'frequenter' therein.

Anyway, If you are still with me so far, I sincerely applaud your patience -- truly you are a very forgiving person. So I will close for now with this: I believe that only until one would break free from the chains and inhibitions that is self-imposed upon himself because he refuses to see that his Creator does share many of the things he so shun to admit that he needs them shared with, his soul would never find that true freedom and true existence --let alone peace with himself-- that was his Creator's original, and eternal purpose. And this, un-exaggeratingly, must be called the way it really is: slavery. And on this, Christ who came did clearly say 'I come that you may have life, and life to the full'.

O souls enslaved, why not come to Christ and break free from those chains? Desire you not a life to the full? Why seek for other? why wait? why doubt? Come now, for He is always waiting.

Till next time. I pray we'll meet again, for I enjoy the company. Soli Deo Gloria.

Carpe Diem 2011

'The writing bug', I say. Never believed in it. Still don't. But if you ask me why it looked like I'm starting to write again --which I am--, then it's nice to have a good excuse. But if you insist, then, yes; I write because I.. just feel like I have to. I have people looking up to me now, even if I try to deny it. Perhaps they always did, and unsurprisingly disappointed again and again at my fallings, failings, and backslidings, and yet ... they're still around. Looking at me, for me. And waited for God knows what. Well, perhaps it's time to really say sorry, and do something. It's time to start meeting their expectations. No. Not expectations. Needs. Start meeting, attending, to their needs. They have needs; to be understood; to know they're not alone; to know someone out there feels the same way, gone through the same things, and is reaching out too, for help; for salvation. It's about time, I think, that they know I was always there. I'll stop hiding, I'll stop being absent. I feel them. And I care. And I think, I have the answer. No, I have always had the answer. I just never took the time to tell them.

The answer is love. Always was. And what is love? God is love. And who is God? God is the Father, the Christ his Only Begotten Son, and the Holy Spirit, eternal and unchanging. From age to age the same.

Seize the day! Seize the answers! Remember ... Love. Love sent His Son. Love died on the cross, and rose again from the dead, for you. And Love sent His Spirit, to sustain you, to strengthen you, to keep you. Seize Him. Seize Love.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Thoughts on Drama Ministry

Back to Basics

I think it's good to revisit our vision and mission statement. I really wish to talk again about the vision, but suffice to say that if you believe that God's intention of salvation was for all creation to have happiness in living, together with all God's children, a temporal earthly life of knowing, and learning of, and glorifying Him, then we are on the same page. With this as our vision, we then find or mission --or commission, as we shall see--, in Christ, who gave us that Great Commission that is for us to 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything' He has commanded us.

The very first principle I like to remind us is this: the fact that we are called to be teachers, first and foremost. Only till we realize this can we truly find our place, our part, and our ministry, in God's grand work, in which we are privileged to have the offer --command, even-- of the Great Commission.

Back to Basics: On Ministries (and ministers)

I'll just say it as it is: a ministry always relates with need. When there is no need, then there is no ministry. However, the always obvious problem is that sick sinners often know not what they need, only what they want. And in saying this I am not singling any person or group out; we all fall under the same category. Yet it is God's grace that some of us has grown to know and understand Him and His will, and hence our needs (sin) and its fulfillment (salvation), better. This is not a virtue we can boast in, because this is solely God's grace. Far from boasting, if we truly understand this, then we know that with this great grace comes also great responsibility: we teachers are to teach our --or rather, Christ's-- disciples, in careful and fearful sincereness, what we have known of God's great love and His will to them and all creation.

Back to Basics: On Drama

It is quite intriguing to know that the word 'drama' comes from 'action', or even, 'to do'. How very accurate this is. Drama is a part of every action - in fact, an action itself is a drama. Early philosophers argued a lot in trying to really understand what 'action' is really all about. I find it's of little benefit to follow in their footsteps: it is enough for me to believe that God is a God of will, not mere mindless counteraction. In fact, it is He himself who is the originator of any action. And for us to be created in His image and likeness, I believe it entails that we too have a will, and desire to act. Hence, we are creatures of drama. Such sad state it is for a man to have the drama in himself oppressed, through subjugation, or suppressed even, voluntarily.

Back to Basics: On Drama Ministry

I shall conclude quickly here, by saying that: our action --hence, our drama-- itself is not untainted by sin. In fact, can there be anything more tainted by sin than our actions, for God said that the heart of man is corrupt, and from it flows out everything he does, or acts (read: dramatize)? The world knows little of this fact, and so at the same time belittles the very disastrous effect their drama has in life, not just for oneself, but also to all life, for man is connected and intertwined with one another in so many ways. The actions, and drama, of this sinful world is tainted at best, and venomous at worst. But then, what should we do? shall we distance ourselves from it? why such torture, when there is a need in all of us to be in it, for drama is the very breathing, and living warmth of life. So what, then, must we do?

We do this: we present a drama that is different from the world, because it is not of the world, yet is in the world. We have the drama of the eternal Creator, who wills to be called Father, and does everything unthinkable to His rebel creation, so that through redemption, and slow --and often, painful-- sanctification, they will in the end, may finally become His eternal children. And all this we can do, from the church, through the church, and for the church.

Drama ministry is God's gift and answer to a world whose soul craves to know and finally be able to have that true relationship with the true and infinitely loving God. May all teachers and servants of God use all their divine gifts to teach and serve with zeal and love to Him, and to His lost children.

Soli Deo Gloria, drama teams.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Finally realized

that this far I understood nothing, about anything. It’s like everything I once knew had escaped me. There was this quirky statement from a movie I once saw; “in order to learn something, you must unlearn it.” Quirky. But it’s so poignant that I can’t shake it off my head. I know that it means to realize that you don’t know in order to really know. Or ‘understand’ – yes, understand. It’s a better word.

But why understand? Why understand anything? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s a psychological issue. I always thought I’m not completely well, you know, up here *points head*. I suppose if it’s empty it’s a lot better. I mean, it can’t be empty because it kept on bugging me about things that I don’t really know why I must be bugged.

Perhaps because I’m male? Maybe that’s just the way we are wired together inside. I have a need for everything that happened to be explained, to be understood, to make sense, else I might as well just plunge to despair. Anyway.

This is me rambling again. My pastor once said that this is how the male of the species works: we’d go round and round in circles only to finally admit, in the end, that we’re heartbroken. Simple as that. I dare not disagree. In fact for a while it really sounded.. rational. It made sense. Especially coming out from one that is a member of the male of the species too, and an older one at that. Oh and plus he’s a pastor. And really because life has taught me so far that respecting your elder can only do you, and the entire society, good.

But now I don’t think I can readily agree. I mean, yeah heartbreak is one thing, anger is another, sadness, boredom etc.. but they all are supposed to be submitted under the authority of the mind, no? what a pain to have all of these feelings and emotions controlling and dominating us every day in our life, only to find that we are completely helpless against them. It is the mind--reason--that must prevail, because if it can't, how desperate life is.

Later..

Sunday, August 31, 2008

"Is it God' grace? or is it actually my own hardwork?"

Yesterday evening, Rev. Budy asked us, the congregation, to have an honest look into ourselves and ponder upon the above question. He asked whether this question has crossed our minds before, and whether we know the seriousness of the fact that we are even asking such question. I can't help but nod in agreement.

Because I know this question so well - I've heard it so many times in my head. And as much as I would like to deny it, I cannot lie to myself that this is a clear proof that my faith wavers and staggers at times. Badly.

Of course then I always say to myself that I'm not the only one, aren't I? I mean, I'm sure many others have found that it is hard to stay true to faith, clinging strong on it, when trying times come, right? Truly isn't it hypocritical to say "oh the loss of my dearly beloved father is nothing to me; God gives and God takes away, right? Then God will take care of me" without the slightest tug to the strings of faith in our heart, causing us to wonder whether we will truly have a bright future of hope without having him around us along the road? I say it is only natural to doubt His love and grace at these kind of times! And it is rightly so.

But then again, it's not too hard to immidiately see two things, which is that:
1.) this kind of doubting is of a different kind to the kind of doubting that is being addressed by the original question by Rev. Budy above, and
2.) often, as it has been repeatedly confirmed by so many people, this kind of doubting leads to an even greater faith, greater testimony of it, and hence greater glory to God. And I fear that this great thing is the complete opposite to the effect of the below doubt,

which I'll call 'prideful doubt'.

Contrary to 'painful doubt' (I can't think of a better name for the doubting that arises from the previous scenario) above, 'prideful doubt' will not only shake our faith, it may actually kill it altogether.
Prideful doubt comes not in the times of sadness, loss, or any other pain. It does not come with apparent, obvious evil. Instead, it usually comes slithering behind or alongside apparent, obvious good - which often are good in themselves!

Now, before I go any further, do yourself a favour. Everytime something good happens to you, be extremely careful. As hard as it may be, always remember to kneel down and pray after every good thing that comes into your life. That'll not only keep you safe from the snares of The Serpent, but by God's grace, repel it altogether. Or else...

Help, LORD, for the godly man ceases to be,
For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.
They speak falsehood to one another;
With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.
May the LORD cut off all flattering lips,
The tongue that speaks great things;
Who have said, "With our tongue we will prevail;
Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?"

(Psalms 12:1-4)

Till next time.

Monday, August 11, 2008

"You've got a Friend"



"When youre down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
Ill come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Youve got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, aint it good to know that youve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
Theyll hurt you and desert you.
Well theyll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but dont you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Oh babe, dont you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all youve got to do is call.
Lord, Ill be there, yes I will.
Youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend."

~ James Taylor & Carole King

I just love this song so much. I loved it from the very first time I heard it.
Sometimes, though, I just wonder whether I can ever really be the kind of friend mentioned here...