Carpe Diem 2011

'The writing bug', I say. Never believed in it. Still don't. But if you ask me why it looked like I'm starting to write again --which I am--, then it's nice to have a good excuse. But if you insist, then, yes; I write because I.. just feel like I have to. I have people looking up to me now, even if I try to deny it. Perhaps they always did, and unsurprisingly disappointed again and again at my fallings, failings, and backslidings, and yet ... they're still around. Looking at me, for me. And waited for God knows what. Well, perhaps it's time to really say sorry, and do something. It's time to start meeting their expectations. No. Not expectations. Needs. Start meeting, attending, to their needs. They have needs; to be understood; to know they're not alone; to know someone out there feels the same way, gone through the same things, and is reaching out too, for help; for salvation. It's about time, I think, that they know I was always there. I'll stop hiding, I'll stop being absent. I feel them. And I care. And I think, I have the answer. No, I have always had the answer. I just never took the time to tell them.

The answer is love. Always was. And what is love? God is love. And who is God? God is the Father, the Christ his Only Begotten Son, and the Holy Spirit, eternal and unchanging. From age to age the same.

Seize the day! Seize the answers! Remember ... Love. Love sent His Son. Love died on the cross, and rose again from the dead, for you. And Love sent His Spirit, to sustain you, to strengthen you, to keep you. Seize Him. Seize Love.

Thoughts on Drama Ministry

Back to Basics

I think it's good to revisit our vision and mission statement. I really wish to talk again about the vision, but suffice to say that if you believe that God's intention of salvation was for all creation to have happiness in living, together with all God's children, a temporal earthly life of knowing, and learning of, and glorifying Him, then we are on the same page. With this as our vision, we then find or mission --or commission, as we shall see--, in Christ, who gave us that Great Commission that is for us to 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything' He has commanded us.

The very first principle I like to remind us is this: the fact that we are called to be teachers, first and foremost. Only till we realize this can we truly find our place, our part, and our ministry, in God's grand work, in which we are privileged to have the offer --command, even-- of the Great Commission.

Back to Basics: On Ministries (and ministers)

I'll just say it as it is: a ministry always relates with need. When there is no need, then there is no ministry. However, the always obvious problem is that sick sinners often know not what they need, only what they want. And in saying this I am not singling any person or group out; we all fall under the same category. Yet it is God's grace that some of us has grown to know and understand Him and His will, and hence our needs (sin) and its fulfillment (salvation), better. This is not a virtue we can boast in, because this is solely God's grace. Far from boasting, if we truly understand this, then we know that with this great grace comes also great responsibility: we teachers are to teach our --or rather, Christ's-- disciples, in careful and fearful sincereness, what we have known of God's great love and His will to them and all creation.

Back to Basics: On Drama

It is quite intriguing to know that the word 'drama' comes from 'action', or even, 'to do'. How very accurate this is. Drama is a part of every action - in fact, an action itself is a drama. Early philosophers argued a lot in trying to really understand what 'action' is really all about. I find it's of little benefit to follow in their footsteps: it is enough for me to believe that God is a God of will, not mere mindless counteraction. In fact, it is He himself who is the originator of any action. And for us to be created in His image and likeness, I believe it entails that we too have a will, and desire to act. Hence, we are creatures of drama. Such sad state it is for a man to have the drama in himself oppressed, through subjugation, or suppressed even, voluntarily.

Back to Basics: On Drama Ministry

I shall conclude quickly here, by saying that: our action --hence, our drama-- itself is not untainted by sin. In fact, can there be anything more tainted by sin than our actions, for God said that the heart of man is corrupt, and from it flows out everything he does, or acts (read: dramatize)? The world knows little of this fact, and so at the same time belittles the very disastrous effect their drama has in life, not just for oneself, but also to all life, for man is connected and intertwined with one another in so many ways. The actions, and drama, of this sinful world is tainted at best, and venomous at worst. But then, what should we do? shall we distance ourselves from it? why such torture, when there is a need in all of us to be in it, for drama is the very breathing, and living warmth of life. So what, then, must we do?

We do this: we present a drama that is different from the world, because it is not of the world, yet is in the world. We have the drama of the eternal Creator, who wills to be called Father, and does everything unthinkable to His rebel creation, so that through redemption, and slow --and often, painful-- sanctification, they will in the end, may finally become His eternal children. And all this we can do, from the church, through the church, and for the church.

Drama ministry is God's gift and answer to a world whose soul craves to know and finally be able to have that true relationship with the true and infinitely loving God. May all teachers and servants of God use all their divine gifts to teach and serve with zeal and love to Him, and to His lost children.

Soli Deo Gloria, drama teams.

Finally realized

that this far I understood nothing, about anything. It’s like everything I once knew had escaped me. There was this quirky statement from a movie I once saw; “in order to learn something, you must unlearn it.” Quirky. But it’s so poignant that I can’t shake it off my head. I know that it means to realize that you don’t know in order to really know. Or ‘understand’ – yes, understand. It’s a better word.

But why understand? Why understand anything? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s a psychological issue. I always thought I’m not completely well, you know, up here *points head*. I suppose if it’s empty it’s a lot better. I mean, it can’t be empty because it kept on bugging me about things that I don’t really know why I must be bugged.

Perhaps because I’m male? Maybe that’s just the way we are wired together inside. I have a need for everything that happened to be explained, to be understood, to make sense, else I might as well just plunge to despair. Anyway.

This is me rambling again. My pastor once said that this is how the male of the species works: we’d go round and round in circles only to finally admit, in the end, that we’re heartbroken. Simple as that. I dare not disagree. In fact for a while it really sounded.. rational. It made sense. Especially coming out from one that is a member of the male of the species too, and an older one at that. Oh and plus he’s a pastor. And really because life has taught me so far that respecting your elder can only do you, and the entire society, good.

But now I don’t think I can readily agree. I mean, yeah heartbreak is one thing, anger is another, sadness, boredom etc.. but they all are supposed to be submitted under the authority of the mind, no? what a pain to have all of these feelings and emotions controlling and dominating us every day in our life, only to find that we are completely helpless against them. It is the mind--reason--that must prevail, because if it can't, how desperate life is.

Later..

"Is it God' grace? or is it actually my own hardwork?"

Yesterday evening, Rev. Budy asked us, the congregation, to have an honest look into ourselves and ponder upon the above question. He asked whether this question has crossed our minds before, and whether we know the seriousness of the fact that we are even asking such question. I can't help but nod in agreement.

Because I know this question so well - I've heard it so many times in my head. And as much as I would like to deny it, I cannot lie to myself that this is a clear proof that my faith wavers and staggers at times. Badly.

Of course then I always say to myself that I'm not the only one, aren't I? I mean, I'm sure many others have found that it is hard to stay true to faith, clinging strong on it, when trying times come, right? Truly isn't it hypocritical to say "oh the loss of my dearly beloved father is nothing to me; God gives and God takes away, right? Then God will take care of me" without the slightest tug to the strings of faith in our heart, causing us to wonder whether we will truly have a bright future of hope without having him around us along the road? I say it is only natural to doubt His love and grace at these kind of times! And it is rightly so.

But then again, it's not too hard to immidiately see two things, which is that:
1.) this kind of doubting is of a different kind to the kind of doubting that is being addressed by the original question by Rev. Budy above, and
2.) often, as it has been repeatedly confirmed by so many people, this kind of doubting leads to an even greater faith, greater testimony of it, and hence greater glory to God. And I fear that this great thing is the complete opposite to the effect of the below doubt,

which I'll call 'prideful doubt'.

Contrary to 'painful doubt' (I can't think of a better name for the doubting that arises from the previous scenario) above, 'prideful doubt' will not only shake our faith, it may actually kill it altogether.
Prideful doubt comes not in the times of sadness, loss, or any other pain. It does not come with apparent, obvious evil. Instead, it usually comes slithering behind or alongside apparent, obvious good - which often are good in themselves!

Now, before I go any further, do yourself a favour. Everytime something good happens to you, be extremely careful. As hard as it may be, always remember to kneel down and pray after every good thing that comes into your life. That'll not only keep you safe from the snares of The Serpent, but by God's grace, repel it altogether. Or else...

Help, LORD, for the godly man ceases to be,
For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.
They speak falsehood to one another;
With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.
May the LORD cut off all flattering lips,
The tongue that speaks great things;
Who have said, "With our tongue we will prevail;
Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?"

(Psalms 12:1-4)

Till next time.

"You've got a Friend"

"When youre down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
Ill come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Youve got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, aint it good to know that youve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
Theyll hurt you and desert you.
Well theyll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but dont you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Oh babe, dont you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all youve got to do is call.
Lord, Ill be there, yes I will.
Youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend."

~ James Taylor & Carole King

I just love this song so much. I loved it from the very first time I heard it.
Sometimes, though, I just wonder whether I can ever really be the kind of friend mentioned here...

Lord, Have Mercy

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

"Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when
he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed." (Jas 1:13&14)

"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands." (Deut 8:2)

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do - I do not do, but what I hate - I do...
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing....

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Rm 7)

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'" (Luke 18:13)

Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise."

~ Psalm 51


Lord, Have Mercy..

Do not cast me away

... for it's August now, and the vow I made early on February this year had seen itself failing, with myself faltering, even falling at times. The burning passion and drive that came to me everytime I sit down to read His holy written words - real and strong as they are - could not keep me from my stumbles, and relapses and backslidings to my old nature.

I saw myself getting drawn to things that I should not get into, re-attached to things I have so sworn to detach myself from, and like a dog or a pig, I returned to my own vomit and wallowed back in my filth. Old familiar demons are closing in, and newer ones are coming as well. I know their stench all too well. They're friendly at the beginning.. but when I need them the most, they always leave me sinking deep in the mire of my own sins.

They will not win.

... but I am, quite frankly, tired. Almost lost hope. I thought I had it, you know, I finally have something worth living for... no... even dying for. And when it was strong, it was good. It was the best moments in my life. Until I started doing stupid things again, by my own assent.

What a boring life this has been, in which I see my days filled only by sin, and then forgiveness, and then relapses and backslidings again, only then to meet forgiveness again. And the cycle continues...

Do not cast me away, O Lord, O God.