Finally realized

that this far I understood nothing, about anything. It’s like everything I once knew had escaped me. There was this quirky statement from a movie I once saw; “in order to learn something, you must unlearn it.” Quirky. But it’s so poignant that I can’t shake it off my head. I know that it means to realize that you don’t know in order to really know. Or ‘understand’ – yes, understand. It’s a better word.

But why understand? Why understand anything? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s a psychological issue. I always thought I’m not completely well, you know, up here *points head*. I suppose if it’s empty it’s a lot better. I mean, it can’t be empty because it kept on bugging me about things that I don’t really know why I must be bugged.

Perhaps because I’m male? Maybe that’s just the way we are wired together inside. I have a need for everything that happened to be explained, to be understood, to make sense, else I might as well just plunge to despair. Anyway.

This is me rambling again. My pastor once said that this is how the male of the species works: we’d go round and round in circles only to finally admit, in the end, that we’re heartbroken. Simple as that. I dare not disagree. In fact for a while it really sounded.. rational. It made sense. Especially coming out from one that is a member of the male of the species too, and an older one at that. Oh and plus he’s a pastor. And really because life has taught me so far that respecting your elder can only do you, and the entire society, good.

But now I don’t think I can readily agree. I mean, yeah heartbreak is one thing, anger is another, sadness, boredom etc.. but they all are supposed to be submitted under the authority of the mind, no? what a pain to have all of these feelings and emotions controlling and dominating us every day in our life, only to find that we are completely helpless against them. It is the mind--reason--that must prevail, because if it can't, how desperate life is.

Later..