On dreams and visions that changed my life

Been wanting to write this down since quite some time ago (since February, maybe?). But alas! The postponing me – God help me. Well, He did, and here it is, finally.

Months ago, I had a dream, a vision, or something that is so vivid I almost mistaken it as a real, and concrete, material reality. Excuse my selection of words. Simply put, it really happened, but in a way I cannot re-enact or recreate by my own power. Here’s what happened:

I was on my way to my old HP office here in Melbourne, which is the Blackburn one. I was wearing my favourite jacket (yes it *is* that vivid), and due to my sheer laziness and irreverence, I’m having my usual bible reading time which is actually just that short 20 mins ride to office from home. I used “laziness” because regardless of what I may say to others, I knew that I always read my bible on the bus only because I was not going to spend any time reading it at home – too many DVDs to watch (Oh and YouTube as well). I could see myself opening my trusty-looking old bible and nonchalantly started to continue reading from where I left it last time. And what happened next really blew me off my pants.

The words, the words on those two open pages of my Bible – oh the terror! –, were changing from whatever writing was originally there, into a sentence that repeats itself on and on – a sentence I could never forget… it’s that vivid…

“… time is running out time is running out time is running out… ”

…and as much as I tried to stop it, I couldn’t. It just kept on changing from the top left of the left page to the bottom right of the right page. My eyes could not have opened wider than ever… and it was very terrifying as it was happening in front of my eyes. It’s as if the book was alive! And it has its own mind and will. What’s worse for me was that, I actually spoke to it saying: “no don’t change! I haven’t read the words here because I haven't gotten to this page yet! I need to know what it is saying! Don't do this to me!”

And at that moment I heard a voice: not mine, nor of someone I know, but a somewhat familiar voice that I have not heard from for quite some time. There was coldness in it; a coldness that is felt like it’s coming out from a broken heart – a heart that has lost hope; that has come to the end of its line. I shuddered. Petrified. It said:

“You think you have all the time in the world to know me, Billy? You’re wrong. Time is running out.”

Then that’s it. It went away just like it never happened, and I can’t remember whether I immediately opened my Bible at that time to check whether my entire bible has changed to consist of four words only, or whether I was too afraid to open it at all. Regardless, I did open it eventually and found that Genesis 1:1 still says “In the beginning….” Phew.

Still, It was so troubling. I could not sleep properly, I could not work properly, I get goose bumps again every time I think of that event – awful… just awful. What’s worse is that I can’t start reading the Bible, not solely because I was afraid that the vision would come into life, but because I felt something was wrong in me and it’s blocking me from God in a way. I needed help.

And all praise to our living God; help came. And it was in the form of the arrival of Christian Tirtha to Melbourne. He’s an old friend who had to do an unplanned visit back here due to his wife’s – my old friend as well – certain pregnancy problem (this I’ll have to google up… “out of womb” something… sigh… stupid me). On that note, praise God for His guidance over the entire medical process: Cia2 (wife) came out ok – even better; no operation needed. Hallelujah!
Anyways this help I mentioned, a big part of it, was from the sermon – the message – that he delivered to us. It was titled: “Fear of the Lord, the heart of Godliness.” Now I think it’s not exactly worded that way but I shouldn’t be too far off. As much as I want to, I could not recap everything here (maybe in another post? Or should I call him up for a summary? Humm…). But what really struck me was that for a split-second as I was listening intently to him, that voice, that strangely familiar voice whispered again in my ears and took me by surprise:

“To my children, my word has become a general revelation.”

I was surprised, but not shocked. On the contrary: I felt sad. Why? Because the voice was sad. Yes, it was sad. This time there is no more coldness in it, but a delirious tone, as if it was said alongside many a tears. I was moved. And far from distracting me from paying attention to the sermon, it actually locked my entire soul to it.

This last event happened to be the key to unlock the secrets behind my disturbing vision I had earlier. Until now I could not find the Biblical explanation to all that has happened, but the conclusion just rose out in me so firmly that I could not even shake it off, let alone deny its truth. It gripped me. And this is what I learned:

The term “general revelation” is a well known one: in short it is the umbrella term for all things that God give to all men, good or bad, from which they can rationally accept and admit that a Creator exists. I don’t know too much about “special revelation” save that it is only in the form of our Holy Bible, together with the workings of the Holy Spirit in us through it. Well, I can be wrong about this as well. But I am convinced of one thing at least (and I hope I’m not wrong in this), which is: without reading the Bible, no one can know God. And if one doesn’t know God – and what’s worse, don’t feel like he needs to – than that is, to say the least, a blaring fire alarm of one’s salvation (or absence of it).
Now what does this has to do with general revelation? well, I can only think of it this way: as with all unbelievers who are blinded from the truth even though they are showered by unlimited blessings around them, surrounded by oh so many great works of His hands; so it is with "christians" or "church goers" who goes to church every week, even joins a ministry, or even carries the Bible wherever he goes - oh the irony! - yet never really come to know God personally by reading the Holy Writ, feeding on it, daily, not for the sake of itself, but because his heart "panteth over God as the deer panteth over water". After all, how else can you know God at all unless you sit down and listen to Him telling you about Himself (His words) continually? And how do you know Him personally unless you talk to Him, ask questions, and tell Him what you've understood and don't understand yet? In this I am saying that Bible reading and prayer go hand-in-hand. More about this on other post.

Anyways, enough with the theologizing. I am not called to do that. From what has happened to me, I know what I am called to do: to make sure of my salvation with all fear and caution - something I have never diligently did all these years. Well it's about to change, and I have enough reasons for it, the top two being:

1. I have the Bible. I can read the Bible. I have people from whom I can try to get answers to my questions of the Bible. I have no more excuses. And what’s more: I am *still* alive, hence Someone’s still giving stubborn old Billy a chance to do what he must, and what he must do is to know God, his Creator and Master, as soon as possible.
2. That voice, that familiar voice, is not a stranger. It is a Voice that has been with me since the day I was born. “It”, or maybe more precisely, “He” was there when my father passed away, when my uncle passed away, when I’m lonely and hope seems lost, when I needed forgiveness from my relapses back to my old sins, and also, when I’m happy and full of spirit, blessed with so many good things and achievements; He was there all along, all-the-days-of-my-life, in my highs and my lows. But that voice – Him – now showed Himself to me in such a way that I cannot but respond in fear, in trembling, in awe: He has all the powers to “spew me out of His mouth”, proven by the coldness of His just words, yet He sounded so sad when He said that His children, including me, did not strive to know Him, to worship Him; to love Him.

That second point left me asking why. Why Lord God, Why? What did I do to deserve such esteem? such mystery; a God who stoops down so low to pick up a worm such as myself and covet the love in my heart ... I guess I’ll never understand. But I *do* know that it’s time for me to start my journey. I knew my life would be changed forever, and I was afraid. But as much as I liked my life the way it was until then, I knew that whatever He will take me through, I have no doubt that it will worth thousandfold better: as He has took Abram and sent Him away from where he was to take him to His promised land, He will take and hold my hands, guide my steps, and eventually, take me to live with Him, and enjoy happy rest with Him, with Dad, Mom, Debbie, and all our beloved and His beloved, together, forever, eternally - my kind of Promised Land. And in faith, I believe that whatever I have now, can not compare to what He has in store for me, as long as I follow Him, and walk with Him, all the days of my life.

So, 25 years of being a Christian, and haven't even read your Bible once!? Well, if you survived my rambling up until this point, then you're not alone. But have faith: the Lord God who I’m talking about is real; He’s alive. And He’ll listen to your prayers and your tearful pleas, and take you out of your Egypt, your house of bondage, your sad estate where you realize you belong to no god, and the ones around you does not want you to be its subject to love, cherish, and protect.

Call upon Him! See for yourself who He is! And then together, let us walk with Him, daily, faithfully, till we arrive on His, and our, Promised Land.

"Carpe Diem!" - for the very first time again

My last post was June 5th 2007 - the day my uncle passed away. I changed my background colour to black as it was a time to mourn, and what other colour is more proper than that?

Today, June 12th 2008, roughly one year and one week has passed, and when I came back here, I realized one thing: I didn't change my Blog title. It's still the same "Carpe Diem! Memento Mori" which translates as "Live Life today! Always remembering Death". And my subtitle was "Come! Live a life that never dies!".

As ironic as it seems -telling people to live a life that lives forever yet I myself was virtually dead in spirit and in strength for more than a year-, I can still smile and have this small laughter inside, realizing that: I *am* still alive. And with that, entails all responsibilites, and enjoyment, in serving my Master, my Owner. And that's not a bad thing, not at all. After all, what can be better than serving an eternal Master that promises life eternally to those who believes in Him.

My life and all its struggles, had just restarted - no, in fact, for the first time, it had just begun. Starting today, I shall write all of them down and record them. Someone told me "a life worth living is worth recording", and I say Amen to that. As I've learned from many great lives before me, be it by seeing, hearing, or reading of them, I pray that many may learn from my questions, struggles, passions - my life.

And I pray at the end, they may find Christ's fingerprints in it and come to know Him better. May I pass my knowledge of Him, faithfully, joyfully, on to the generations to come, for them to live and learn Christ from, until He himself comes back again to claim us all.

Carpe Diem! Memento Mori.