I am writing this partly because I love music --especially Baroque-- so much, and partly because I don't quite understand why those who sing it don't seem to show the same feelings that I do. True, in my case, it doesn't take a qualified psychoanalyst to see my shameless infatuation with it, because it's.. shameless, one would suppose, and yet it can take even the most skillful soul-reader (if there's such a thing) perhaps a full year to really grasp the depth of our relationship so far, which is growing every day. However, most unfortunately, if none of this makes any sense to the group I mention before, then it doesn't come to me as a surprise -- if you could only see what I see and hear what I hear, you'll understand.
You see, my beloved choir team --yes, with them I really do-- have always been singing Baroque for many a good reasons: Firstly, because it *is* beautiful, secondly because the whole world agrees with the first reason and hence the resources of which is abundant, to say the least, and thirdly, because our choir leader/conductor/song chooser not only agrees with the whole world too, but also faithfully undertook all of the work of looking and preparing and providing us with all of the needed materials for us to sing it. I can go on with the fourth and fifth reason etc., but I'll stop here.
Regardless of all the above, however, I can't help feeling that every time we sing the songs and rehearse it, there's just something amiss, and it's not like I'm the only one who notices it, no; everyone do, and yet no one could do anything about it. It finally ticked me off I suppose --hence this writing--, because I felt that we are really powerless against it; that this void is always there, and it simply refuses to leave, no matter how badly we want it to.
Or perhaps.. perhaps we haven't really done anything. I don't know. I don't want to think so, after all the years we spent together -- 'we' as in me, them, and all those glorious Baroque pieces. But still I can't deny that the void remains unmoved, and it annoys me so much I can't stand it anymore. I think it's about time we really do something about it. And the best way to start, I think, is from within.
Now this 'from within' talk may sound a bit Zen to you. But it's really not. I can assure you, even though I know nothing of 'Zen' save from that phrase I just used, its origin is most definitely and unqualifiedly more ancient than Zen or anything else you can come up with, because this 'from within' is really a principle that points to the beginning of everything; of life, of man, of creation.
You see, man, from the beginning, was created with this eternal force that resides within. It's a force beyond matter and all physical reality, though it may be worthwhile to talk about it using examples from our --physical, material--cosmos. Entertain me a while: think of the highest mountain, the deepest sea, the coldest ice caverns, and the hottest, boiling liquid lake of fire in the belly of the angriest volcano. Are you there? well, brace yourself for this: this force within man, can take his aspirations higher, curiosity deeper, pained heart colder, and anger ablaze far fiercer than any mountain, sea, caverns, or volcanoes can. It's a force unrivaled by anything the heavens or the earth can conjure to assail upon it.
Yet, for such weak, defenseless, tiny construct of flesh and blood to possess it and contain it.. how does it come to be? Where did it come from? How did it come in, and what made it stay? What's its purpose and end? Or better yet: Who is behind all this? Ah, such fine question, this last one is.
I suppose it's not completely illogical to point to the Creator for --or 'as'-- an answer. In fact, I wish I can convince you that without consulting, or even regarding, Him in the slightest for a start, it is not hard to see that this whole endeavour for explanations will lead to confusion at best, and discouraged giving ups and falling aways at worst. Do allow me to continue and you may find that in the end, it's not just fancy nonsenses that I am spouting, but Truth; eternal, unchanging, enlightening, joy-filled sweet revelation.
The force within man, if I may call it 'the spark of life' in his soul, is truly a fascinating, yet mysterious thing. You can even say that it is --in so many ways-- far more significant than life itself, for a life wherein this force is absent is hardly one worth living for. And conversely, on the other hand, a life that is filled with the sparks of this force, is so much life that no matter how short and temporal it is, it is life 'to the full' nonetheless, and there's scarcely anything that can compare to it under the sun. Ah but yes, this all is really taken for granted, and does little to satisfy the questions above. Very well, let me continue.
I believe that the Creator of man is really a creator of such passions and desires too -- hence the force in us, His 'crown' of creation. I think it is ludicrous to think that we, creations, would have anything --which include passions and desires-- more, in measure, compared to Him, the Creator. However, conversely, I suppose what many also fail to see is that: our rejection in attributing --in the slightest even-- to Him as a Creator, the experiencing --or even relating with in any measure-- such forces and drive and desires that we have as creatures, does not necessarily help us to render Him more glorious, or is an outright blasphemy too, no. Quite the contrary, actually, even without coming to Him directly for answers, we can already see --if we are careful and honest enough-- how slightly off-place the whole argument was. This is my point: if we admit that such force that we witness in our affection, emotion, passions and desires, is a testament to life, then how can we call Him Life --'source' of Life, even-- and at the same time deny Him all the the signs and presentations of it as we hide ourself behind the panaceaic chant 'He, Holy He, is He and we, lowly we, are we'? Let me sum up to help you think clearer about this for a while: if we believe we live, and we believe passions and desires are inherent to life, then how can we say that our Creator who also lives --nay, created our life even-- must not have the same passions and desires?
I know, I know, I'm starting to go too far into realms I have neither rights nor qualifications to talk about, and yes I must add that there are 'attributes' of our life --our existence-- that is not shared with Him, the Creator. I readily agree to this. But on the other hand, I see that more often than not, the problem is that far too many of us would hastily, and wrongly, place many things under the 'incommunicable' or 'unshared' list of attributes to Him. And more often than not, unfortunately, passions and desires are quite a popular 'frequenter' therein.
Anyway, If you are still with me so far, I sincerely applaud your patience -- truly you are a very forgiving person. So I will close for now with this: I believe that only until one would break free from the chains and inhibitions that is self-imposed upon himself because he refuses to see that his Creator does share many of the things he so shun to admit that he needs them shared with, his soul would never find that true freedom and true existence --let alone peace with himself-- that was his Creator's original, and eternal purpose. And this, un-exaggeratingly, must be called the way it really is: slavery. And on this, Christ who came did clearly say 'I come that you may have life, and life to the full'.
O souls enslaved, why not come to Christ and break free from those chains? Desire you not a life to the full? Why seek for other? why wait? why doubt? Come now, for He is always waiting.
Till next time. I pray we'll meet again, for I enjoy the company. Soli Deo Gloria.
No comments:
Post a Comment